5 years ago and for the next 4 years, on this day, I took leave from work to grieve.
But this year I didn't. I am not sure why, I just didn't.

Not that I've stopped grieving, I can't even imagine that happening.
5 years seemed like a long time but it really didn't make the pain any lesser, and I doubt any amount of time will ever be long enough.

I now have the ability to cry on demand whenever I think of you. It could even be a passing thought. Thank god for mandatory mask-on in public these days because I could let the tears flow.
I also have the ability to dream of you when thoughts in the day were intense enough. These dreams are so precious because every dream felt so real, like a parallel universe where you are well and alive - the most recent one being you cooking a meal for me and that was truly the one thing that I would give up everything to have it happen again.

Hey mama, I miss you,

5 years ago,

5 years later,

And for the many 5 years to come.

I've so much that I want to tell you every single day. But I can't, not anymore. So I decided to revive this blog to get them off my chest, especially on the bad days. I hope typing them out will provide me with some relief.

On another note, in hindsight, having work to distract me the entire day, including an 8.30 pm virtual work call was much needed because it leaves me little time to think and brood.